Denali's Story Part 2

I've been trying to write all about Denali's life in a chronological order and I realize that it's impossible. The time that we had with her blended and ran together so much that specific days and events were irrelevant to me. Add my sleep deprivation to the mix and it's a wonder I can remember anything specific!
  When we got to Mother-Baby Unit, everything was a whirlwind! The nursing staff was trying to get me situated and everyone else was trying to see and hold Denali! Since Lori, the photographer, was there, we decided to get formal pictures with Denali. Grandpa Tom went out to the car for Denali's suitcase. Yes, she had her own suitcase filled with adorable clothes! This led to quite a few costume changes! Poor baby, her first few hours of life were spent being shuffled in and out of different outfits! Grandma Kim handed me a little onesie to put Denali in and I realized that I was unable to dress her! I've put in central lines and intubated people, but trying to dress my newborn made me break out into a sweat! John's mom just laughed at me and helped me. The outfit that we put on was one I bought the day she was diagnosed. I expected her to be premature and small, but she was not. Her fat little self barely fit!

Short and fat and proud of that!

Daddy and grandpas changed her into a better fitting outfit that Daddy picked out. It cracked me up to see three grown men fussing over a baby girl's clothes. It was adorable, really.

They also added some Mary Jane booties that Grandma Kim picked out! Denali was sooo cute!!!

We done good

 For Christmas, Daddy gave Denali and I matching pearl bracelets. Great Aunt Cynthia (my aunt) also gave Denali a pearl bracelet! Denali was very much a Southern girl and insisted on wearing her "bling" right away!

 

Sweet Briar girl in the making!

After that, we had her birthday party! John had picked up a tiny cake with matching cupcakes and we all gathered around to sing Happy Birthday to her and have a cupcake. I couldn't eat one because I had just had surgery, but I did give Denali a bit of frosting on my finger, hee hee.

Happy Birthday to Denali!

Yumm! Sugar!

  After her party, I realized it was getting late and Cristen and Lori left.

  Throughout all of the pictures, you can see Denali rooting and tell that she's hungry. I knew she was hungry and probably getting dehydrated, but I didn't know what to do about it. No one knew if she was able to swallow or not and I was scared of her choking.

Food goes here, Mama!

Feed me!

Noms! Now!

 Nurse M suggested we dip our pinkies in water and let her suck on them for a while and see how she did. We did and she was able to suck and seemingly swallow! We continued to give her water for a while, but she was still hungry. I finally decided to try to nurse her. M helped me prepare since I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I expressed a bit of colostrum and Denali started to suck, but she didn't latch. I ended up just putting a few drops in her mouth, which she swallowed, to my relief. Again, I felt no instinct to try to nurse her. It just didn't feel right to me. Perhaps I instinctively knew that she couldn't breastfeed, but I never tried that hard, so I don't know if she could or she couldn't. At any rate, I never seriously tried to get her to latch. Instead, we started dipping 2x2s into sugar water and giving her that. She was able to suck on the gauze and the sugar water soothed her hunger. Later that evening, after grandparents had left, I started pumping and we gave Denali colostrum instead of the sugar water. She ate it up really well!

Mmmm, mmmm! Good stuff!

That first night with just the three of us was magical. I don't have many pictures and I'm glad that I don't because I was completely focused on cuddling Denali. Honestly, I just stared at her in rapt amazement! I didn't expect her to be alive and I certainly did not expect the active, interactive and noisy little girl that I was holding! We took her clothes off and John and I both held her skin-to-skin. She was so soft and chubby and warm! I remember looking up at John at one point and telling him that this was the best day of my life. It truly was! I have never felt such complete love and adoration for another person as I felt for Denali. She was beautiful and perfect! Obviously, I did not sleep at all that night. I don't even think I dozed. John tried to rest a bit, but he had to help with Denali since I couldn't get out of bed yet.