36 Weeks

Hmmm...wrote this last week and thought I published it!
Last week seemed really long and really busy! The highlight of the week took place on Wednesday morning when John and I had an appointment with the base chaplain. There we were, sitting in his office talking about playing golf in Bagram when suddenly I felt my stomach flip-flop. I was trying to convince myself that I was not going to vomit when the next thing I know, I'm in a scene from The Exorcist. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I projectile vomited all over the poor man's office. John insists that I did not actually hit the priest, but I have my doubts. The priest managed to provide a trash can, but not before the carpet had taken a lot of damage. I have never been so embarrassed in all of my life (or so I thought)! John and the priest managed to help me along to the bathroom. The priest (I can't remember his name) asked me if I thought I had eaten something bad. I replied that I was pregnant and he said he was wondering, but didn't want to say anything. That gave me a laugh! He was very kind about the whole thing, did not try to exorcise me or anything, and actually hugged me! And then arranged for his carpet to be cleaned.
  When we got home, my face was covered in petechiae, which has never happened to me before. The vessels in my eyes were also bleeding. I was concerned enough that my bp was elevated to call Dr. O. She assured me that I was probably fine and to stay home and rest. Which I did and I felt better. The whole thing was very traumatic, to say the least! Thank goodness the petechiae faded enough to be covered by foundation, but my eyes still look like I have danced with Mary Jane in the recent past.
  We had another OB appt on Friday, and Denali was finally vertex again! Hooray for her! She's decided she wants to be born after all! At least for now. As far as I can tell she hasn't flipped and her ginormous feet are doing their work on my ribs and diaphragm. Her fluid looked good and I'm assuming she's still swallowing, which is fantastic! I'm so proud of her because swallowing is a difficult thing to do. Other than that, she's just been hanging out. I've been talking to her about Thanksgiving and her family and Christmas and describing the snow to her.
   I've actually been a lot more uncomfortable this past week. I've been having a lot of contractions and pelvic pain, but no signs of labor being imminent. Dr. O asked me if I wanted her to check for dilation, but I politely declined. If I'm dilated, I don't want to know. Also, those darn checks hurt! Why didn't any of my patients tell me?
  In addition to being uncomfortable, I've also been irritable. Possibly there is a correlation. I try hard not to use curse words and I think I have failed in my endeavors every single day. I've also yelled at John for having large feet and getting in my way. I realized what a preg-zilla I was being yesterday when I told him I was going to make him a surprise. He had a seriously terrified look on his face and asked if he should be scared. ("Surprise! I made you nerve gas!") That man has infinite patience. I would have murdered me and hid my body in the crawl space by now!
  I recently had the craziest pregnant lady idea ever. I decided that I wanted to do maternity portraits, so I arranged for a session with the photographer from NILMDTS. When Janna called to arrange the session, she asked me what I wanted and I said I pictured us outside in the snow. There was a pause, but then she reluctantly agreed, if the weather was good. We arranged to meet on Saturday. The day was clear, there was a fresh coat of snow on the ground and the temperature was above freezing! Perfect! Or so I thought. Let's just say that I have never been so cold since I moved from North Dakota. It was freezing! Even John, the self-proclaimed snowflake, was shivering! And still I soldiered on, determined to get the perfect picture! Even Denali was getting cold, I think. She was wiggling around like crazy! We weren't wearing coats in most of the shots! Finally, Janna announced that she had Raynaud's and she had to warm up. Poor lady could barely move her fingers. I felt like a jerk after that and apologized for my hormone-induced lunacy. She was very gracious about the whole thing. I'm so excited to see the pictures! Our blue lips and frostbitten extremities should add a really nice touch!
  On Saturday night, we met with a doula, Cristen. I was very hesitant about the whole doula thing, but my therapist thought it would be a great idea. And then Cristen popped up. I'm so nervous about anyone seeing Denali and making fun of her and I was especially nervous because Cristen has never been involved with a perinatal death. However, once we started talking, I relaxed. We share a lot of the same views on childbirth. And she will be able to handle some of the details that I was stressing about, which is a HUGE relief! Also, I'm fairly stoic when it comes to my own needs and I know I will be focused 100% on Denali so it's nice that someone will keep me in mind. For instance, she asked me what I wanted to eat for my first meal post-op. It had not even crossed my mind, but thinking about it, hospital food will probably be a no-go with my diet. So little things like that will just make the experience a lot easier, I'm hoping.
  John wanted his signature caramel mocha today, so we stopped by Starbucks. I was not really wanting coffee and I was looking at the various ceramic mugs while he ordered. A friend noticed us and said hi and when I waved, the shelf holding the mugs flew off of the stand and all of the mugs shattered on the floor. I just stood there, staring at them. I was completely stunned. A bunch of ladies who were enjoying their coffee came to my rescue and started picking up the shards and asked me if I was okay. They cleaned up the mess and a Starbucks employee came with a broom to clean up the tiny shards. I wanted to disappear into the floor. Usually I am the one who takes charge in such situations and I was horribly embarrassed. Maybe even more so than the puke-on-priest episode!
 

34/35 Weeks and Monthly Survey

34 Weeks

It's been two weeks since I updated! I have had some difficulty communicating lately. I've answered only really pressing emails and messages. I've been wrapped in my own thoughts and hashing some things out. If I've been neglecting you, don't take it personally!
  We had our care conference last Monday with the providers who will be taking care of Denali when she's born. I tried to write about it, but the words wouldn't come. Suffice it to say that I have every confidence in our providers and that I'm blown away by the amazing NICU and Mother Baby Unit here! We're going to be in great hands!
  Things have been going okay here. Last Sunday I thought I was in labor. We were in church and I started having regular contractions. We went out to do some shopping after the service and the contractions became more intense to the point that I had John take me home. We started timing the contractions and they were exactly seven minutes apart. They were quite uncomfortable, but not really painful. They remained seven minutes apart for an hour and then went to nine and ten minutes apart and eventually stopped. It scared me a bit because I'm not ready yet! Denali is still breech (of course, she's my daughter!) and Dr. O doesn't think I'm going to go into labor anytime in the near future. That is a bit reassuring.
  Denali has been doing her baby thing, whatever that is. Her movements are decidedly less vigorous and I think she is starting to feel squished! However, at our last OB appointment, she became very agitated when Dr. O tried to listen to her heart. My whole belly was shimmying and shaking and everyone was cracking up. I wished I had taped it!
   The big thing that is happening in our lives now is that we decided to adopt two guinea pigs. Okay, John was coerced. Whatever. We adopted them from a shelter near Fairbanks and we will pick them up when we go up there for Thanksgiving. I'm quite excited! I do get lonely here by myself and having some furries to take care of will give me something that I have to do. John is fairly apprehensive about the whole thing. He's never had a pet in his life, not even so much as a goldfish! On the other hand, I grew up surrounded by lots of animals and I miss their presence when I don't have a pet. My bearded dragon, Hemsworth, is living at my parent's farm because he can't come to Alaska. I have to laugh because, when I told John that we were going to be parents, he barely batted an eye. He didn't show any obvious anxiety at all. A baby! Great! This will be easy! But the guinea pigs...I thought he was going to pass out in Petco! He's been doing a lot of research and making sure we will be able to properly care for the piggies. I made him hold a guinea pig as a sort of impromptu pet parenting class and he had the cutest smile on his face. I think he's going to make a wonderful guinea pig dad and that he'll end up loving them more than me! Or he'll stir-fry them with some Ramen. Either way, he will love them!

 Monthly Survey

How far along? 35 Weeks
Maternity clothes? Of course
Stretch marks? Getting a few more. Nothing really terrible.
Sleep:  Finally gave in and got a prescription to help. My Restless Leg Syndrome has gotten dramatically worse and I had to do something about it.
Best moment this week: Christmas shopping with John and Denali and then supper at The Rock
Miss Anything? Above-freezing temperatures!

Movement: It's slowed down quite a lot, but she definitely gets a few diaphragm punches in!
Food cravings: Stuffing!!! John has made it for me almost every day!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing specific. I did throw up in Target last night for some unknown reason.
Have you started to show yet: Hahaha!
Gender prediction: Still a girl
Labor Signs: Yes, frequent contractions! We're practicing!
Belly Button in or out? In

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been a bit moody. Looking forward to: Thanksgiving with family, Black Friday, and getting our guinea pigs!

Denali at 33 Weeks

  We just got back from an ultrasound. Miss Denali decided she really didn't care for this whole birth thing and flipped herself upright again! Just last night I could see her little feet up by my ribs and I was pushing on them. Maybe she doesn't like her feet being tickled! I didn't feel her flip at all so it may have been while I was asleep. I was really out of it last night!
  Denali now weighs 4lbs, 11oz! She's in the 48th percentile. I'm very happy with that. At this rate, she may not fit into the preemie clothes that she has!
  The sonographer noted that there may be some abnormalities of her chest wall. Her ribs and sternum were thicker than they should have been. Not sure what to make of that. He also wasn't able to see any brain tissue at all anymore.
  We were able to get some very dramatic shots today. The sonographer was very careful about asking us how much we wanted to see. He was able to get a wonderful 3D image of her face. I was prepared to be shocked and horrified, but I wasn't and neither was John. Yep, she has anencephaly. She looks like all of the other beautiful anencephalic babies that I have seen. She kinda looks like a bald baby Cabbage Patch Kid or Gru from Despicable Me, without the nose.

    The awesome thing was that I immediately looked past the deformity and started looking at her sweet nose and chin and trying to pick out any resemblances. Now that she has some weight on her, I see more of myself than of John. She has my deep nasolabial folds and Jay Leno chin. Not so sure about her nose anymore. From the front it looks like John's, but from the side it looks like mine. I'm getting excited to see it in person!
  No, I'm not going to post the pictures. I was, but then I changed my mind. When we look at her, we see our sweet baby girl whom we have grown to love and accept for exactly who she is. But I don't trust other people to see her that way. Some pictures of anencephalic babies have been stolen and exploited and I'm not taking that chance with Denali.
  I had my second ever anxiety attack this morning. I'm not an anxious person and these attacks are completely foreign to me. They have definitely given me sympathy for people who experience them on a regular basis (No, I won't give you Xanax. Ain't happening!). The attack just hit me as I was loading the dishwasher and I was very quickly prostrate on the floor, struggling to breathe. It's such a scary feeling!!! I managed to calm down a little and call Mom who talked me through it. And then she completely diverted my attention by talking about politics until John got home and took over.

   Mom said that I've been trying to be too strong for too long. I don't know about that. I'm not trying to be strong, I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I've got and love Denali. Most days I'm completely overwhelmed and terrified by this whole situation and wish myself out of it. But like my grandma used to say, "Spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up the fastest". I miss her and her wit! Gandalf put it a bit more eloquently:

33 Weeks

He loves his Punkin!

   This week we celebrated Denali's Halloween! In my family, all four of us kids have dressed in the exact same pumpkin costume for our first Halloweens. Mom made the costume for me and recycled it for my brothers. Since Denali wouldn't exactly fit into the costume, I decided to dress my bump up as a pumpkin to continue the family tradition. Can you guess what John dressed as? I thought it was a very clever costume and we had so much fun dressing up!

                                                              
  John painted my face like a jack-o-lantern later in the day and paraded me around his workplace and introduced me as "The Great Pumpkin". His co-workers seemed a bit confused, but then I handed them pumpkin spice cupcakes and it was okay! I was slightly embarrassed. Denali and I sat outside and handed out candy to the cute trick-or-treaters. When John got home, he read Denali my favorite Halloween story. We had a great time!

  We received a lovely package from John's friend, Aimee. She included three adorable outfits, a blanket and treats! Such a sweet thing to do and we really appreciate knowing that people care about Denali! She's such a spoiled princess! :)

Ice Cream Cake!!!

  Saturday was my 31st birthday. Ahhhh! I'm getting old! John took me to my favorite restaurant, Red Robin. Denali likes it too, I think, because she was doing a jig until I started eating. Or perhaps I
just ate so much she was too squished to move! And then we came home for a Coldstone Creamery cake! By that time, Denali really was squished and I was also in misery. But it was worth it!

Lots of smoke!

  Another big event that happened this week was the publication of Denali's story in the Anchorage Daily News! I was really nervous about it because I felt like I was opening Denali up to scrutiny. When it comes to her, I'm definitely a mama grizzly! People have said some very unkind things about other babies with anencephaly and I was worried that might be the case. But, so far, everyone has

Photo by Erik Hill of the Anchorage Daily News

been really positive. And a lot of people commented on the article and emailed the journalist to talk about the babies they had lost. That was why I wanted to share our story in the first place. Ever since my miscarriage I have tried to raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. In my experience, most people want to talk about their babies (like any parent!) but don't know if it's okay or don't know how to start the conversation. If one person read our story and remembered their baby, then my mission was accomplished.



























  Newspaper Article

32 Weeks

I bought this shirt for John for Christmas and then decided I liked it too much to give to him!

  Look at my little minion! She's getting SO BIG!!! I seriously have no idea how women waddle around and hunt and gather or go to work or take care of other children at this stage of pregnancy! It's a challenge for me to get up from a seated position at this point! And I still have 8 weeks to go! I'm going to need a Hoveround, soon!

How I picture her flipping herself around

  Babies at 32 weeks should be starting to settle down with all of the acrobatics, according to my pregnancy books. Denali has not read my pregnancy books. She's still just as active as she has been, her movements are just more uncomfortable for me. She moved into a head-down position last week while I was in the shower. The experience was so painful that I couldn't move and I just stood there
moaning and gasping. I thought that was the end of it, but no. A few days ago she did it again! And today she started trying to get head up again, but I was able to bend over and squish her enough that she stopped. And John gave her a little talking to which seemed to help. Now she is contentedly battering my liver with her ginormous feet. Crazy little girl! As uncomfortable as her movements make me sometimes, I wouldn't trade them for the world! She's my constant companion and I'm really going to miss her when she's gone.
  We went to a haunted house in Wasilla on Saturday. I know, I know, pregnant women aren't supposed to go. But I couldn't resist. I don't scare easily and I just find haunted houses hilarious and a lot of fun. This year was no exception. I didn't get scared one time! It was a pretty good haunted house, on par with Scaremare in Lynchburg without the 3 hour wait to go in. I was surprised to note that there were a lot of dead babies. In fact, there was one room of nothing but dead babies. I wasn't offended at all. It demonstrates our society's horror over infant death. It's right up there with dismemberment and evil clowns. It isn't funny and it isn't meant to be. Halloween is about collectively laughing in the face of death and confronting our worst nightmares. Maybe that's why I enjoy haunted houses so much.
  Yesterday we went grocery shopping which just about did me in. Thank heavens for John! He pushed the cart, managed the list, unloaded the cart, and then unloaded the groceries while I put my feet up. And then he made supper. He's really quite amazing. Last week he cleaned the bathroom because I didn't want to be exposed to all of the chemicals and he mopped the kitchen floor. He just does a million little things every day to make my life easier and I appreciate it so much! I couldn't ask for a better man!
 It's a cold, windy, rainy day here in Anchorage. The kind of day that makes you want to curl up on the couch with a good book and cup of tea. But, I won't. I have water aerobics tonight and if I sit on the couch I will fall asleep and all will be lost!

31 Weeks

Yay! I finally got my laptop back from the Apple Store! I don't know what's wrong with this computer, but it has never worked properly since I received it as a graduation present. It's working better now, though!

 As you can see from the picture, I haven't been feeling the greatest this past week. I'm exhausted, short-of-breath and in some pain. I'm told this will pass in a few weeks, so, I'm just taking it easy for now. As my brother Samuel pointed out, all I have been doing lately is lying around and "incubating" Denali! That's okay- I'm glad for the time when she is my primary focus and I can just enjoy her break dancing inside me. 

  As I mentioned in a previous post, my wrists and hands had been bothering me. I assumed I had developed carpal tunnel syndrome which is common during pregnancy. I made an appointment with one of my preceptors, Dr. P, and his medical student fixed me right up using OMT! No more pain! Dr. P said I had De Quervain's tenosynovitis and not carpal tunnel syndrome. So much for "physician, heal thyself", right?

  I made a dentist appointment as well as my teeth had been bothering me. Apparently I now have two fractured teeth and eight cavities. This has occurred since June when I had a molar extracted. It's very distressing to me as I am very particular about my oral hygiene and always have been. I brush my teeth three times a day and floss every night. But no matter what I do, my poor teeth just keep decaying! I asked the dentist if he thought it was pregnancy-related and he said I did not have the pattern of decay he normally sees in pregnancy. He couldn't help me, so, I made an appointment with another dentist. We'll see what he has to say, but I'm sure he won't touch me while I'm pregnant, either. By the time Denali is here, I will need dentures! The dentist I saw did give me a little lecture about how my tooth decay is hurting Denali.  There's nothing I can really do about it, though. 

  No word yet on getting any financial assistance. John's parents went ahead and got their tickets. I feel bad about them having to do that. I don't know why, but I feel a need do this ourselves. I feel like bringing her family here is something we can do for Denali when there really isn't much else we can do for her. I suppose, them being here is what really counts and it doesn't matter how it happens. And it's something her grandparents can do for her. I am so glad our families are coming! Having the hope that she will arrive and depart surrounded by people who love her is all I have to hope for some days. Sweet girl, so many people love you, do you know that?

  I was looking at some of Denali's pictures the other day and I noticed that she has apparently joined the Dark Side and become a Sith Lord!

 

  Can you see it? It took John a while. It gave me a good laugh!  John overheard me asking her why she had given into hate and joined the Dark Side and he very adamantly told me that she had not given into hate! I guess she is just dressing up for Halloween? The pictures actually show her yawning and her cute little nose and mouth! I think she has Daddy's nose and my lips. Adorable!

 Speaking of Star Wars, my brother Derek and I have an extensive Star Wars collection that we started in the early 90's. Some of our collection is quite valuable now. Unfortunately, Derek and I have been estranged for almost two years. The other day Derek told our mom that he wanted to sell the collection and donate the money to Anencephaly research. Mom told me about it and I was really touched by his generosity and his caring about his niece. I hate to be cliche, but I'm glad that Denali has opened the communication lines with him. I don't know that our relationship can be mended, but it's a start. Mom told me that Derek is worried about his chances of having a baby with anencephaly because his wife's sister also had a daughter with anen. Derek's only two little nieces both have anencephaly. It's hard to imagine.

  Some days, I still cannot comprehend how this has happened to us. It's like my ultimate worst nightmare has come true. A memory surfaced the other day while I was thinking about it. My dad started nursing school when I was in high school and I used to like to read his textbooks because I was obsessed with all things medical. I was reading his mother-baby textbook when I came across a section on how to handle it when a baby dies during or shortly after birth. I was horrified by the thought that babies die but also by some of the nursing aspects. The textbook said the nurse should offer to let the parents hold the dead baby and take pictures with it, etc. To my teenage mind, that was macabre beyond comprehension. And yet, here I am, planning on having a photographer who volunteers to take portraits of dead babies (such a blessing that there are people willing to do such a difficult, but important task) be at my daughter's birth. Unbelievable. 

  I feel like my mind has been cultivated all these years for just this time. I'm so thankful for it because so many of the women who have experienced anencephaly had no clue that it was even a possibility. The shock and horror that they have experienced is pitiful. My heart breaks for us all. 

  Good grief, I am depressing myself! Time to do something fun!  Water aerobics was cancelled for tonight, so, Denali and I are going to go work on our Halloween costume! Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers!

Request

  John and I have an issue that we really need lifted up in your thoughts and prayers. For us, family is our number one priority and it's really important to us that Denali meet her family and vice versa. We want her brief life to be spent surrounded by people who love and cherish her. However, getting our families to Alaska from Virginia and North Dakota is extremely expensive and will put a financial burden on us and our families. Quite frankly, we can't afford it. We have been talking to various non-profit organizations trying to find out if assistance is available for us. So far,  we have not had any success.  If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share them!
   I know that the situation will work out somehow and our families will be able to meet Denali. We just don't know how, yet. We just really, really need everyone to pray and think about the situation and I know our request will be answered! Thank you!

Monthly Survey

How far along? 30 Weeks
Maternity clothes? Nothing but
Stretch marks? Nothing too dramatic. A few here and there.
Sleep: It's getting tougher because I have to get up so often
Best moment this week: Taking Denali to the zoo!
Miss Anything? My family

Movement: Non-stop!
Food cravings: Morningstar Farms veggie corn dogs with spicy brown mustard!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Veggies! I can't eat any of them anymore without paying for it with severe GI cramping :(
Have you started to show yet: If I were to go skinny dipping (chunky dunking) in Turnagain Arm, I would be mistaken for a Beluga Whale
Gender prediction: Still a girl
Labor Signs: No, thank goodness!
Belly Button in or out? In

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, actually. I've been in a pretty good mood.
Looking forward to: Going to the Haunted House and Halloween!

Kellen

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today we remember all the babies whose lives were too short. One out of four women have lost a baby and I am one of them. Here's my story.

  After years of expensive, painful procedures I finally became pregnant via third-party reproduction in September 2011. That in itself was quite an accomplishment as fertility treatment is a grueling experience in the best of circumstances, but I was in medical school and living 5 hours away from my husband and fertility clinic. After the pregnancy was confirmed, my reproductive endocrinologist wanted me to have my hcG levels checked to ensure the pregnancy was healthy. I was three weeks into an ED rotation at the time and stopped by the lab to have my blood drawn. I explained to the attending that I was working with that day that I was pregnant and anxiously awaiting the test results. She offered to look them up for me. She did, and she said, "Oh, well that's not good." I looked at the screen and saw that my hcG levels were too low and knew that my baby had died. The attending then nonchalantly told me to go see a patient and walked away. I stood there for a minute, trying to pull myself together and then ran for the bathroom were I completely fell apart. After a few minutes, I was able to walk out of the bathroom and I stopped a nurse and asked her to tell the attending that I had to go home. When I got home, I called my regional dean and told her what had happened. She told me to take two weeks off and she would take care of the rotation. I don't remember much after that. I was in my bedroom and it was dark and I thought I was dying. My husband wouldn't come get me, but his cousin and my mom came and picked me up later that night. I remember walking into McDonald's in my pajamas and not being able to comprehend what was going on around me. I really don't remember much about the next week. I was back at my home in Virginia, but I don't think I got out of bed. At one point my doctor asked me to go to the ED to be evaluated for an ectopic pregnancy. I was cramping badly and was given Dilaudid. I drifted off into ecstasy and was able to rest for the first time. After about a week and a half I started actually miscarrying and the numbness wore off. I was in physical as well as emotional pain. I had no desire to continue living. I spent a weekend with my friend Laura, my brother and his girlfriend and felt a little better after that and I returned to West Virginia to start my OB/GYN rotation.
  I found out a few months later that my preceptor for the ED rotation failed me for walking out of the rotation even though he had told me to my face that he understood what had happened and that he would pass me. Had I developed pancreatitis or something like that, I don't think he would have been able to get away with failing me. But, at the time, I received no support from the school. The failure stood. Eventually, I repeated the rotation and the two grades were averaged. I really feel like it kept me from getting into an Emergency Medicine residency. That worked out okay, but I believe that I was discriminated against.
  By January, my marriage that had been worn thin by physical separation and infertility had completely disintegrated and my husband had filed for divorce. Those were dark days for me and I didn't know if I would be able to make it through them or not. I was in the worst depression of my life. I don't know how I continued with my rotations, but I never missed a day. I went through the motions of living, but I was broken. I was living five hours away from my family and had no friends or support system there.
  I didn't know how to mourn for my lost child. I felt that he was a boy and I named him Kellen, a name I had never even considered but had come to me. I felt so guilty for not being a good enough mother to keep him alive and I apologized to him over and over again. I can't explain what it was like to know that you held life inside of you and to feel it disappear.
  Losing Kellen prepared me for Denali. When she was diagnosed with anencephaly my heart broke, but it broke along already established fault lines. The grief that descended felt like a familiar coat wrapping around me. And I know that next year I will have a second candle to light for my little girl.
  I invite everyone to join in the International Wave of Light this evening at 7pm local time. If we all light a candle we can create a continuous wave of light around the entire world to honor our babies who have gone too soon!

30 Weeks

Denali and the Harbor Seal

  What a busy week/weekend this has been! Whew! The busyness started out on Wednesday when I decided that Denali and I needed to check out the water aerobics class at the base gym. We had such a great time! The instructor is really hard core for water aerobics and I was definitely getting my heart rate up, but I was keeping up with the rest of the class. About halfway through the class the instructor told me to slow down and "Only low impact for you! We don't want to have a baby in this pool!" So, I slowed it down. It felt really great to get some exercise without feeling so awkward. Friday I went back
to the class and again got a good workout. There was free swim after the class and John came by after work and we swam until closing, two hours later. We had a really great time just hanging out and splashing around. Denali seemed to think I don't swim very well because she did flutter kicks with me every time I started swimming! It was like she was trying to propel me along! Normally she settles down when I walk, so I thought it was amusing.
  Saturday morning I woke up in excruciating pain. My whole body ached like I had the flu, but my wrists were especially painful. I started crying and John massaged my wrists until the pain receded a bit.  I guess I overdid it with swimming Friday night! I took some Tylenol and managed to feel a bit better, but I was still in pain. John and I had planned on going to play a game with a club that he found, but I decided to skip. Instead, I dropped him off and went to the Scandanavian bazaar and a stopped in a little shop I've been wanting to visit. That was about it for me and I went home, had a nap and read until it was time to pick John up.
  Today we decided to go to the Alaska Zoo! We had never been before. John and I agreed that of all the animals, we enjoyed the Harbor Seals the most. I could set up a chair and watch them for hours! They are just dog mermaids and they crack me up! We also saw otters, musk ox, brown bears, black bears and a polar bear! (If you're interested, you can watch the polar bears live here) Needless to say, we enjoyed ourselves and now I'm exhausted!

Denali petting a seal

They're ridiculous!

  After the zoo we went for a drive along Turnagain Arm. It was gorgeous, as always. Today, the termination dust was creeping down the mountains towards Anchorage and it made a pretty contrast to the fall foliage. We drove by Potter's Marsh and saw Trumpeter Swans for the first time this year! Then we stopped at Bird Point where I finally saw a Beluga Whale! Too bad it was an inorganic version. 

Termination Dust

The only Beluga we'll ever see, I'm afraid

29 Weeks

  29 weeks! I can't believe it! I must be looking hugely pregnant because a lady offered me her seat while we were waiting for a table today at a restaurant! I was quite grateful and took her seat without hesitation! After lunch we went to Target and a lady stopped me and told me I was beautiful and the cashier told me I was gorgeous! I guess I have my pregnant glow going on, lol!
   Yesterday we decorated the house for Halloween! I don't like the gory, horror things, but I do like cute ghosts, pumpkins, and things like that. We're the only house I've seen around Anchorage that's
actually decorated, but I think it turned out quite nice! We had a lot of fun making some of the decorations and putting them up!
  Stage 1 of nesting is complete! After two weeks of deliberating, John and I finally found some curtains that we both found suitable for the living room! John put them up while Denali and I supervised. We discovered that the windows in the house are actually crooked and that required some adjusting. But they're up and they look great! Next we have to find a rug that we both like.
  We went to the Alaska Made Festival yesterday. Imagine a whole stadium with crafts and things all made in Alaska! For my Cville

friends, it was like Martha's Market with a lot of moose antlers. My feet hurt after about an hour and I had to rest, but that did not deter me from more shopping. I saw lots of adorable baby things and one seller cornered me and tried to sell me some cute things. It was difficult, but I didn't tell her why I wasn't interested in what she was selling. We did a little Christmas shopping and we bought a Christmas ornament for ourselves. I collect snowmen and I had been looking for a personalized ornament!
  Today we visited the base chapel. I really enjoyed the service, especially because some of the music was familiar to me. I think we are going to visit a few more churches in the coming weeks.    Just to clear things up, we did not have to leave the previous church because of anything to do with Denali. In fact, we didn't necessarily have to leave, but, sometimes it's best just to shake the dust off your feet and move on! It's unfortunate that it happened during this difficult time, but when it rains it pours. I'm reminded of why I stopped going to church years ago. However, it was our intention to raise Denali in the Catholic faith so I will continue to go so that she can spend as much time in church with her daddy as possible!
  This morning, John mentioned something to me about a catheter. It took me a few minutes to realize he was suggesting I put in a foley so I'm not getting up all night! I guess I kept waking him up. Last night was particularly bad because I drank a bit of Diet Dr. Pepper right before bed and I think I was up every 30 minutes! Denali apparently likes where she's at because she hasn't changed position in a few days and it's so much fun to kick mommy's bladder! If I can ever figure out how to post video on here you will be able to see how vigorously she kicks it! It's pretty cute, actually! Especially at 3AM and I'm in the bathroom for the hundredth time that night...

OB Appointment Update

Just got back from our ultrasound and doctor's appointment. I'm sorry to say that Denali was uncooperative and we did not get many good pictures, but we did get some great video! She was in a transverse lie with her head on the L and her bottom on the R. Her feet were actively kicking my bladder and cervix, which did not surprise me at all!
  It does look like Denali is deteriorating neurologically. Her hands are tightly clenched in fists, which is a bad sign. I don't specifically remember seeing her open her hands before, but I had asked about clenched fists and rocker bottom feet and was told that she did not have them in the past.  The only part of her brain that is present is the cerebellum. Everything else is gone. The sonographer, Scott, had seen anencephaly before and he said that she was "severe". I was expecting this to happen, but it still hit me hard and I was fighting tears. She is also on the small side, in the 25th percentile according to her abdominal circumference. I was surprised by that! John and I had a little wager going on about her weight. He said that she would be three pounds and I said two pounds. John won! She's 2 lbs, 12ozs! All of my books say that's on the high side of normal for even a normal baby, so, I'm not sure. She is what she is, I guess!
  For the first time I find myself questioning our decision to continue to term. I've read some stories from parent's who said that once they saw how sick their babies were they decided it would be kinder to let them die. I understand that. Denali is very sick and I wonder if it would be a kindness just to let her go. But, at the same time, she isn't suffering and she's very much alive. I enjoy feeling her move and I'm enjoying being pregnant. I'm healthy and we're just hanging out. I don't see any good reason to change the plan now.
  We did discuss our birth options with Dr. O today. John is concerned about my health having a section. Dr. O said that if we wanted to try to labor and see if she could be born in her amniotic sac, that would be okay and then we could do a section if anything changed. That sounds like a reasonable plan to me. She also said that if we do a section she will sew me up so that I can try for a VBAC if we decide to get pregnant again. Also fine with me! Dr. O very much understands our desire to see and hold our little girl alive and intact and I so appreciate that!
  I seem to be in good health and I was happy to hear that I passed my oral glucose tolerance test, with "flying colors" as Dr. O put it. My glucose was 82mg/dL and it needed to be <180mg/dL! Whoohoo! I was convinced I would develop gestational diabetes, but so far so good! My hemoglobin was 11-something and my hematocrit was good. My fundal height was around 30, but I don't have polyhydramnios according to the ultrasound. I did lose 3 pounds, which is concerning to me. As one of my preceptors used to say, "that's a bowel movement" but I feel like I should have maintained or gained at least something. I'm eating a LOT (other than veggies)! And I did ask about the veggie issue and Dr O said my nutrition was good so she didn't seem concerned.
  I forgot to mention in my last post that I had spoken with the genetic counselor. She confirmed that I do have a mutation on the MTHFR gene, but that I am also homozygous for a variant on the MTRR gene. She seemed to think that the MTHFR mutation was insignificant, but that the MTRR variant presented a small increase in the risk for NTDs. She advised mega doses of folic acid for three months before ever trying to conceive again, which I will certainly do. I'm really confused about all of this and the more I read, the more confused I become. I understand the biochem and that's about it. I will try to leave the rest for the experts and just do what they say to do!
  We did have a blow yesterday and John and I made the decision to find another church to attend. I was planning on having the priest baptize Denali and having her funeral at the church, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen. It's a difficult, unfair situation and it really upset us.  Please keep John in your thoughts and prayers as he is really struggling with it. It was really exactly what he needed on top of everything else he's dealing with. :/
  Okay, now I'm going to try to get some video uploaded for your viewing pleasure! Wish me luck!

28 Weeks

  This post is a bit late because, as some of you may know, we ran out of internet last month. Yes, Alaska is truly the last frontier and unlimited internet is a luxury and not a guarantee. But, it's a new month and I will do my very best not to binge-watch Breaking Bad on Netflix this time!
  As you can see from the picture, I got my hair did last Saturday. John and I were up early on Saturday morning and he went in for a haircut on base. I had been wanting/desperately needing a haircut, but my hairdresser just had a (gorgeous) baby girl! So, I decided to get my hair cut at the base salon. The hairdresser was fairly young and started by asking me the standard pregnancy questions of what I was having, when am I due, etc. I answered the questions without saying anything about Denali's condition. Then, she surprised me by asking me what I was most afraid of as a parent. And so I told her that my greatest fear was that my daughter would die before I get to hold her in my arms and explained why. She surprised me again by not saying anything cliched. She simply said she was sorry and that she would keep us in her thoughts. I was really impressed. As she started cutting my hair, she told me that I had patches of gray and then told me it was understandable because I was under so much stress. I just really appreciated her straightforward handling of the situation and being able to be totally honest with a stranger. And I thought my hair looked really cute. John liked it, too!
  John started on day-shift this week! I never thought I would be happy about that as I tend to be a night owl, but I am! I think we were both getting burned out by no sunshine and the inability to get much done.  I've enjoyed being able to drop him off and do some things by myself. I signed up for the foot-washing ministry at church. Once a month a group goes to the homeless shelter to do foot care. Well, I have experience in foot care after a rotation with a podiatrist and several stints in wound clinics! Obviously I can't do much, but I can tell when someone is in serious trouble and needs further attention and I can dress a wound. It feels good to be doing something useful again! I'm also considering volunteering at the hospital in the CCU. All I would be doing is patient and family advocacy, but again, it's something useful. And I found a water aerobics class that I'd like to do. So, John and I both are happy that he's off night-shift!
  I'm actually itching to get a job. This is the longest I have been unemployed since I've been old enough to work. I count full-time school as work, but I held a job through high-school and undergrad. I should really be grateful that I'm in a position where I don't have to work, but depending on John to support me goes against my grain. I suppose this situation is a lesson in humility and allowing others to help me when I need it. The worst thing about being broke is not being able to give anyone much for Christmas. I shop for special gifts all year and it's the highlight of my year to give them on Christmas. John told me that he would help me out this year, but I quickly pictured the conversation from Christmas Vacation where Cousin Eddie tells Clark to buy himself something "real nice" with his own money. Hmmmmm....
  Denali learned a new trick this week- it's called "kick Mama's sciatic nerve"! Fortunately, she has only done it once, but thank goodness I was sitting down because I would have fallen otherwise! That hurt! And on Monday I was at the gym waiting after our workout while John changed into his uniform. I sat down on a bench and had a book perched on my belly. A young guy came and sat on the bench, but he looked uncomfortable and scrunched up against the opposite end. About that time, Denali decided that she didn't like my book  where it was and she kicked it, hard. It went flying! The guy gave me the funniest look! I laughed and laughed about that!
  This past weekend was absolutely gorgeous and John and I decided to eat our Sunday lunch outside on the deck, a rare treat in Anchorage. After lunch, I decided to doze in my chair and make some Vitamin D. To get maximum exposure, I pulled up my shirt. As soon as the sun hit me, Denali rotated around to face outwards. I can tell which way she is facing based on where she has her hands. I know that she's blind, but maybe she has some primitive light sensation? Anyway, I was excited and I hope that she could sense the light! Any interaction she has with her environment I consider a victory!
  Another new development this week is my inability to tolerate vegetables. I've been a vegetarian for almost 16 years and I try really hard to follow Michael Pollan's maxim to "[e]at food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Last week I popped a bag of steamer veggies in the microwave for supper. After I ate them I became violently ill and suffered for the rest of the night with GI cramps. I thought it was maybe a fluke, but it's happened twice since. I'm not sure what I'm going to eat if that keeps up for the remainder of the pregnancy! I have an OB appointment on Friday, so I will ask Dr. O about it then.
  Speaking of the OB appointment, we are having an ultrasound on Friday! I'm so excited! I can't wait to see Denali again and see how big she's getting! I will try to post pictures ASAP!

What little Denalis are Made of...

  We discovered yesterday that not only does Denali have Munchausen's Syndrome, she also has Munchausen's by proxy. She's causing me to have symptoms so she can go see the nice nurses at the hospital! Yes, we went to the hospital for the second consecutive day. Really? I'm so embarrassed! I started having some bleeding again, just like a month ago. I called Dr. O's office, talked to the nurse and she said I should come in. I really did not want to go back to the hospital, but I'm trying very hard to take off my white coat and just be a good patient. So, I was admitted and the nurse came in to hook us up to the monitor. Denali was uncooperative and would not hold still! The nurse would chase her around, find her heartbeat and then as soon as she put the straps on, Denali would move again. The nurse had me walk around to calm her down, change positions multiple times and nothing worked. She kept threatening to "tie that baby down"! It was comical, but frustrating because I just wanted to go home. The nurse commented multiple times on how active Denali is and I was proud of her. She does not take after her parents is that department! At long last, the nurse gave up on getting a tracing and said we could go. Still no explanation as to why I was bleeding, but as long as Denali is okay, I'm happy!
  Obviously, if something is going wrong with Denali, I don't want any heroic measures or anything like that. I just want to know so that we can let our families know and if at all possible, they can get up here.
  As we were driving home, I was thinking about Denali (as always) and that poem about little girls being made of sugar and spice came to mind. No sooner had that thought crossed my mind than a song by Miranda Lambert began playing inside my head:

 "I'm going to show him what little girls are made of, 

Gunpowder and Lead"

 In light of the morning's activities, I think my daughter may have a little more gunpowder in her than sugar!

  Which brings me to a quote that I found yesterday:

"We have not journeyed all this way 

across the centuries,

across the oceans,

across the mountains,

across the prairies,

because we are made of sugar candy."

-Sir Winston Churchill

  

  So, the overall message that the universe sent me yesterday was that little girls are made of so much more than sugar and spice and everything nice!

  I've recovered from the feelings of utter defeat that hit me hard this past weekend. I attribute my renewed purpose to the thoughts and prayers on our behalf. John and I so appreciate it! The only way we are going to make it through this is by the grace of God and the love of our family and friends.

  I think I have started nesting. I looked around last night and realized that John's house is...lacking warmth. It's definitely a bachelor pad. John has great furniture, just none of the little decorative touches. I started rearranging furniture and knick knacks. And then I texted John and told him he is going to buy an area rug, curtains, some throw pillows and a Roomba. Surprisingly, he agreed! (Okay, the Roomba is a bit extravagant since I have all time in the world to sweep and vacuum, but I LOVED the one I used to have!) I went into a flurry of Pinterest activity and have a good idea what I want to do. Eventually John and I hope to merge our households so I thought I would decorate with colors that will coordinate with the things I already have. I'm very excited! Since we don't have a nursery to decorate, the rest of the house is the next best thing. 

  

 P.S. I played Gunpowder and Lead for Denali and she immediately went crazy! I was able to catch my belly dancing away on video. If I can figure out how to do it, I will post it!

   

L&D Trip #2

  We discovered yesterday that Denali probably has Munchausen Syndrome. She intentionally fakes symptoms to get attention! She was quiet all day on Monday and that night she gave a feeble little kick when John left for work. After that, she didn't move at all, which is not normal for her. Around 2AM, I ate an apple, trying to stimulate her with some sugar. Nothing. No movement. I started to get concerned and I texted John about it. I did everything I could think of to get her to move. I squished her, I laid on her, I sang, everything. Absolutely no movement. I told John that when he got home from work we should go to my doctor's office and have them check her heart rate. He agreed. Around 7AM, I ate some breakfast and had some caffeine, hoping once again to get her going. I noticed three little movements, but nothing like her usual gigantic movements. I went ahead and called Dr. O's office and explained to the nurse what was going on and asked if it would be okay if we dropped by for a quick check. She told me that it would be best if I went ahead to Labor and Delivery. I said I really didn't want to be admitted, I just wanted someone to check her heart rate, but the nurse insisted. We agreed to wait an hour and see if there was any improvement. There wasn't. John talked to her, which usually gets her moving, but nothing happened. So, we packed up and went to the hospital. I got checked in and the first thing the nurse did was put me on the monitor. As soon as she put the transducer on my belly, it got a HUGE kick! She picked up Denali's heartbeat right away (in the high 130's) and Denali started doing her typical summersaults and backflips! I was monitored for about 30 minutes while Denali continued her acrobatics, kicking at the transducer the whole time! After that, the nurse said I could go home. I apologized profusely for the trouble and she just laughed and said babies like to do that kind of thing. Denali has been her normal, active self ever since. She's a crazy girl! I have no idea where she gets it from!
  So, that makes trip number two to Labor & Delivery. I don't want to seem like a crazy first-time mom, but at the same time, I am a crazy first-time mom! And anyway, I didn't want to go to Labor & Delivery- I just wanted to get checked by a nurse at my doctor's office. Oh well. All's well that ends well, I guess.

27 Weeks

  We got our first snow in Anchorage today on the first day of Fall! It wasn't much of a snow fall, but for this Southern girl, snow in September is...different. Of course, John was ecstatic. Being from North Dakota, he loves winter and snow!
  Today was hard for me because, in addition to being the autumnal equinox, it was also the first day of my third trimester. All of my pregnancy calendars and apps reminded me that I'm "in the home stretch" and "it's the final countdown".  I'm scared to death. I am not by any stretch of the imagination ready and I just want time to slow down! I want to take my baby and run, but there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I have no choice but to face the most terrifying thing that I've ever faced. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I'm really struggling right now.
  We need to make a decision about what to do with my sweet baby's body before Oct. 1 because the cemeteries close for the winter on that date. Because the ground is frozen, the cemeteries here don't do any burials during the winter. The bodies of people who die in the winter are stored and then buried in the spring. The thought of my Denali being stored for the winter like some vegetable or something is abhorrent to me. But if we buy a grave before the cemetery closes, we can have it opened. On the other hand, we are considering cremation. That way, when we move we can take her with us and she won't be up here all alone. The problem with that is that I was raised Independent Baptist and was taught that cremation is wrong. My family is very much against the idea. I was surprised to find out that the Catholic church is okay with cremation, as long as the ashes are not scattered. John and his family, who are Catholic, are fine with it. A few people have asked about whole body donation and I'm 120% against that! Having worked with cadavers, whole body donation is not something I would encourage any of my loved ones to consider. I'm sure my opinion is not in keeping with the party line, but that's how I feel. And anyway, after the body has been used, it's cremated. So back to square one. Again, we need your thoughts and prayers that we can find peace in a decision this week.
  We're also struggling with our decision to have a C-section. John doesn't really want me to have major surgery. While I'm not overly fond of the idea, either, I really think it gives Denali her best shot at being born alive and us getting to spend some time with her. As her mother, I feel like the one thing I can do for her is get her into this world breathing! It's not in my control either way, but I want to do everything I can to help. I would very much prefer a vaginal birth, but I think it would be too much stress on her. Anytime I've seen decelerations on the fetal heart monitor during labor, my heart has stopped beating for a few seconds, too! And those decelerations in heart rate are caused by pressure on the baby's head during a contraction. I can't imagine what contractions would do to Denali's little head! I feel like she would die. Some people have mentioned that anencephalic babies born with their amniotic sac still intact have a better chance of surviving birth, but I asked an OB/GYN resident about that and she felt it was a rare occurrence.
  In other news, I did not pass the waddle test today. According to John, "[my] booty is starting to sway a little". Of course, this was after I had decided it would be a good idea to do goblet squats. I was at the end of my set and I felt something in my lower back give way.  I limped back onto the track and that's when John gave me the dissapointing news. On the way home from the gym, I started coughing and I felt my displaced sacrum pop back into place. I may have also suffered from some stress incontinence at the same time. It happens.

Update

 I had an OB appointment today and I wanted to update everyone on what's going on. Most importantly, the date for my C-section has been changed to December 27. It was very important for me to have Denali with us for Christmas. We discussed the change with Dr. O and she said it would be fine because I probably wouldn't go into spontaneous labor before then anyway.  I would definitely appreciate your thoughts and prayers that Denali will hang out a little bit past her due date!
  Otherwise, everything is looking good! My BP was 130/82, which is higher than normal, but not high enough for preeclampsia. I've gained a whopping four pounds since my last appointment three weeks ago. I asked Dr. O what she thought about that and she said she really didn't care about my weight as long as I was gaining some. Good enough for me. Denali's heart was pumping along at 143 and sounded nice and strong. She actually held still for once so that we could listen!
  I did my oral glucose tolerance test and chugged the orange-flavored pancake syrup. It wasn't too bad, but I think John should have had to drink one, too. It's only fair. Thank goodness I didn't get sick, but it did make me woozy and I still feel sluggish. I should get those results back tomorrow. And the second genetic test for the MTRR mutation came back negative! Hooray, I only have one mutation! I was pretty happy about that, obviously.
  I think that's all we discussed today. I feel like we're doing well so far.
  When we got back from the hospital, there was a package for me in the mailbox! I received some lovely handmade clothes from Kayla Surber of Crochet Sisters. She makes hat sets specifically for babies with anencephaly and I couldn't be more delighted with the adorable set she made for Denali!

Seriously, is that not the cutest thing ever? Denali is going to be such a girly-girl! She even has little bows for her toes! And I got lucky because Kayla is not making anymore clothes right now due to her own bundle of joy being on the way! I'm so happy for her and I wish her a happy and healthy pregnancy!
  I called and talked with the NILMDTS photographer and, unfortunately, she will be out of town for Denali's birth. But she thinks she might be able to get someone else to do it. I was a little disappointed because she does fantastic work, but everything will work out even if we have to hire someone. We are still going to do a maternity session, though. She thought it would be best to wait until November because I may just look fat and not pregnant. I think I look fat and pregnant, and I don't expect it will get much better in the coming months, but she is the expert!
  Poor John, I ask him every time we go out if I just look fat or pregnant. Sometimes he pretends not to hear, and sometimes he just tells me I'm beautiful. And then today I was looking down at my bump (it's hard to miss from my vantage point) and I commented that I actually do have some stretch marks. He said that he knew I did and he was confused as to why I had said in my previous post that I didn't have any. I thought that he should have pointed them out to me, but then realized he probably made a wise decision not to say anything. They're not that bad, though. They're just silvery white lines and I could really care less because 1) I wasn't planning on exposing my midriff to the public any time soon and 2) They will be a physical reminder that Denali was here.

26 Weeks/Monthly Survey

What a nice weekend we had! We had a really wonderful time just relaxing with no set agenda. I feel a lot less stressed out than I did last Thursday.

  I just want to take a moment to say that John is amazing! He treats me like a princess and I'm starting to like it! I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone else. He's keeping me sane and I'm so thankful for him. I love him so much!

  Now I'm sick. I have a little cold, but the congestion is making it hard to move around much and I'm tired. Because I'm congested, I have to be extra careful about which way I'm lying. I've been bad and have found myself sleeping on my back and right side. It hasn't bothered me too much, but since I'm having trouble breathing I feel like I'm smothering unless I'm on my left side. 

  I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions. I felt this really weird pressure and I couldn't figure out what Denali was doing to cause it. After a few times I realized she wasn't moving, but her container was! Very strange feeling!

  Denali...is growing like a weed! I can feel her head on the right side of my abdomen and then she is kicking me all the way across on the left! I think she takes after her daddy and has really looong legs! I'm predicting she's going to be long and chunky. Anencephalic babies weigh less than  normal newborns because they are missing a large part of their body. So, I'm thinking she's going to weigh around six pounds and would have been an eight-pounder if she were normal. I was a short, fat baby and John, per his mom, was a long, skinny baby. Put us together and I think we will have a long, fat baby! Maybe I should start a betting pool, hee hee.  

  Yesterday John and I went to the church picnic and we ended up sitting across from a retired Air Force dietician and his wife. We chatted while I munched on two helpings of chips. I asked him about folic acid metabolism and explained why I wanted to know. He pointed me to a good nutrition resource for healthcare providers. I found some excellent diagrams that explains folic acid's role in nueral tube defects. I thought I would share them:

  I found the bottom chart to be the most helpful. I have a mutation in the methyltetrahydrofolate reductase gene which encodes an enzyme (MTHFR)  that converts 5,10-methyltetrahydrofolate to 5-methyltetrahydrofolate, one step below this diagram. That means that I don't create methionine which interrupts the whole cycle. So, it didn't matter how much folic acid I took. :(

  We have an OB appointment tomorrow. I actually got John up early today and we drove to the hospital only to discover that I was a day early for the appointment. Mommy brain ftw! At any rate, I have to do the glucose screening test tomorrow. Blech. I did the four-hour version of the test (the one you take if you flunk the screening test) a few years ago and it was rather horrible so I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I'll post an update tomorrow. 

How far along? 26 weeks
Maternity clothes? Obviously. Even my baggy old t-shirts are getting too small
Stretch marks? Not that I've noticed.
Sleep: It's been okay. A lot of night sweats and nightmares.
Best moment this week: It's only Monday, but we had a really nice, relaxing weekend
Miss Anything? My family

Movement: She's so big now that I can see her moving when she really gets going!
Food cravings: Coke and Cherry ICEE mixed together. Same as last month and the month before. Also craving apples and peanut butter.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not eating
Have you started to show yet: I'd say so
Gender prediction: Still a girl
Labor Signs: Nope. I think I'm having some Braxton Hicks, though
Belly Button in or out? In

Happy or Moody most of the time: Stable
Looking forward to: Our OB appointment tomorrow. Get to drink some Glucola! Maternity photo shoot!