What little Denalis are Made of...

  We discovered yesterday that not only does Denali have Munchausen's Syndrome, she also has Munchausen's by proxy. She's causing me to have symptoms so she can go see the nice nurses at the hospital! Yes, we went to the hospital for the second consecutive day. Really? I'm so embarrassed! I started having some bleeding again, just like a month ago. I called Dr. O's office, talked to the nurse and she said I should come in. I really did not want to go back to the hospital, but I'm trying very hard to take off my white coat and just be a good patient. So, I was admitted and the nurse came in to hook us up to the monitor. Denali was uncooperative and would not hold still! The nurse would chase her around, find her heartbeat and then as soon as she put the straps on, Denali would move again. The nurse had me walk around to calm her down, change positions multiple times and nothing worked. She kept threatening to "tie that baby down"! It was comical, but frustrating because I just wanted to go home. The nurse commented multiple times on how active Denali is and I was proud of her. She does not take after her parents is that department! At long last, the nurse gave up on getting a tracing and said we could go. Still no explanation as to why I was bleeding, but as long as Denali is okay, I'm happy!
  Obviously, if something is going wrong with Denali, I don't want any heroic measures or anything like that. I just want to know so that we can let our families know and if at all possible, they can get up here.
  As we were driving home, I was thinking about Denali (as always) and that poem about little girls being made of sugar and spice came to mind. No sooner had that thought crossed my mind than a song by Miranda Lambert began playing inside my head:

 "I'm going to show him what little girls are made of, 

Gunpowder and Lead"

 In light of the morning's activities, I think my daughter may have a little more gunpowder in her than sugar!

  Which brings me to a quote that I found yesterday:

"We have not journeyed all this way 

across the centuries,

across the oceans,

across the mountains,

across the prairies,

because we are made of sugar candy."

-Sir Winston Churchill

  

  So, the overall message that the universe sent me yesterday was that little girls are made of so much more than sugar and spice and everything nice!

  I've recovered from the feelings of utter defeat that hit me hard this past weekend. I attribute my renewed purpose to the thoughts and prayers on our behalf. John and I so appreciate it! The only way we are going to make it through this is by the grace of God and the love of our family and friends.

  I think I have started nesting. I looked around last night and realized that John's house is...lacking warmth. It's definitely a bachelor pad. John has great furniture, just none of the little decorative touches. I started rearranging furniture and knick knacks. And then I texted John and told him he is going to buy an area rug, curtains, some throw pillows and a Roomba. Surprisingly, he agreed! (Okay, the Roomba is a bit extravagant since I have all time in the world to sweep and vacuum, but I LOVED the one I used to have!) I went into a flurry of Pinterest activity and have a good idea what I want to do. Eventually John and I hope to merge our households so I thought I would decorate with colors that will coordinate with the things I already have. I'm very excited! Since we don't have a nursery to decorate, the rest of the house is the next best thing. 

  

 P.S. I played Gunpowder and Lead for Denali and she immediately went crazy! I was able to catch my belly dancing away on video. If I can figure out how to do it, I will post it!

   

L&D Trip #2

  We discovered yesterday that Denali probably has Munchausen Syndrome. She intentionally fakes symptoms to get attention! She was quiet all day on Monday and that night she gave a feeble little kick when John left for work. After that, she didn't move at all, which is not normal for her. Around 2AM, I ate an apple, trying to stimulate her with some sugar. Nothing. No movement. I started to get concerned and I texted John about it. I did everything I could think of to get her to move. I squished her, I laid on her, I sang, everything. Absolutely no movement. I told John that when he got home from work we should go to my doctor's office and have them check her heart rate. He agreed. Around 7AM, I ate some breakfast and had some caffeine, hoping once again to get her going. I noticed three little movements, but nothing like her usual gigantic movements. I went ahead and called Dr. O's office and explained to the nurse what was going on and asked if it would be okay if we dropped by for a quick check. She told me that it would be best if I went ahead to Labor and Delivery. I said I really didn't want to be admitted, I just wanted someone to check her heart rate, but the nurse insisted. We agreed to wait an hour and see if there was any improvement. There wasn't. John talked to her, which usually gets her moving, but nothing happened. So, we packed up and went to the hospital. I got checked in and the first thing the nurse did was put me on the monitor. As soon as she put the transducer on my belly, it got a HUGE kick! She picked up Denali's heartbeat right away (in the high 130's) and Denali started doing her typical summersaults and backflips! I was monitored for about 30 minutes while Denali continued her acrobatics, kicking at the transducer the whole time! After that, the nurse said I could go home. I apologized profusely for the trouble and she just laughed and said babies like to do that kind of thing. Denali has been her normal, active self ever since. She's a crazy girl! I have no idea where she gets it from!
  So, that makes trip number two to Labor & Delivery. I don't want to seem like a crazy first-time mom, but at the same time, I am a crazy first-time mom! And anyway, I didn't want to go to Labor & Delivery- I just wanted to get checked by a nurse at my doctor's office. Oh well. All's well that ends well, I guess.

27 Weeks

  We got our first snow in Anchorage today on the first day of Fall! It wasn't much of a snow fall, but for this Southern girl, snow in September is...different. Of course, John was ecstatic. Being from North Dakota, he loves winter and snow!
  Today was hard for me because, in addition to being the autumnal equinox, it was also the first day of my third trimester. All of my pregnancy calendars and apps reminded me that I'm "in the home stretch" and "it's the final countdown".  I'm scared to death. I am not by any stretch of the imagination ready and I just want time to slow down! I want to take my baby and run, but there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I have no choice but to face the most terrifying thing that I've ever faced. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I'm really struggling right now.
  We need to make a decision about what to do with my sweet baby's body before Oct. 1 because the cemeteries close for the winter on that date. Because the ground is frozen, the cemeteries here don't do any burials during the winter. The bodies of people who die in the winter are stored and then buried in the spring. The thought of my Denali being stored for the winter like some vegetable or something is abhorrent to me. But if we buy a grave before the cemetery closes, we can have it opened. On the other hand, we are considering cremation. That way, when we move we can take her with us and she won't be up here all alone. The problem with that is that I was raised Independent Baptist and was taught that cremation is wrong. My family is very much against the idea. I was surprised to find out that the Catholic church is okay with cremation, as long as the ashes are not scattered. John and his family, who are Catholic, are fine with it. A few people have asked about whole body donation and I'm 120% against that! Having worked with cadavers, whole body donation is not something I would encourage any of my loved ones to consider. I'm sure my opinion is not in keeping with the party line, but that's how I feel. And anyway, after the body has been used, it's cremated. So back to square one. Again, we need your thoughts and prayers that we can find peace in a decision this week.
  We're also struggling with our decision to have a C-section. John doesn't really want me to have major surgery. While I'm not overly fond of the idea, either, I really think it gives Denali her best shot at being born alive and us getting to spend some time with her. As her mother, I feel like the one thing I can do for her is get her into this world breathing! It's not in my control either way, but I want to do everything I can to help. I would very much prefer a vaginal birth, but I think it would be too much stress on her. Anytime I've seen decelerations on the fetal heart monitor during labor, my heart has stopped beating for a few seconds, too! And those decelerations in heart rate are caused by pressure on the baby's head during a contraction. I can't imagine what contractions would do to Denali's little head! I feel like she would die. Some people have mentioned that anencephalic babies born with their amniotic sac still intact have a better chance of surviving birth, but I asked an OB/GYN resident about that and she felt it was a rare occurrence.
  In other news, I did not pass the waddle test today. According to John, "[my] booty is starting to sway a little". Of course, this was after I had decided it would be a good idea to do goblet squats. I was at the end of my set and I felt something in my lower back give way.  I limped back onto the track and that's when John gave me the dissapointing news. On the way home from the gym, I started coughing and I felt my displaced sacrum pop back into place. I may have also suffered from some stress incontinence at the same time. It happens.

Update

 I had an OB appointment today and I wanted to update everyone on what's going on. Most importantly, the date for my C-section has been changed to December 27. It was very important for me to have Denali with us for Christmas. We discussed the change with Dr. O and she said it would be fine because I probably wouldn't go into spontaneous labor before then anyway.  I would definitely appreciate your thoughts and prayers that Denali will hang out a little bit past her due date!
  Otherwise, everything is looking good! My BP was 130/82, which is higher than normal, but not high enough for preeclampsia. I've gained a whopping four pounds since my last appointment three weeks ago. I asked Dr. O what she thought about that and she said she really didn't care about my weight as long as I was gaining some. Good enough for me. Denali's heart was pumping along at 143 and sounded nice and strong. She actually held still for once so that we could listen!
  I did my oral glucose tolerance test and chugged the orange-flavored pancake syrup. It wasn't too bad, but I think John should have had to drink one, too. It's only fair. Thank goodness I didn't get sick, but it did make me woozy and I still feel sluggish. I should get those results back tomorrow. And the second genetic test for the MTRR mutation came back negative! Hooray, I only have one mutation! I was pretty happy about that, obviously.
  I think that's all we discussed today. I feel like we're doing well so far.
  When we got back from the hospital, there was a package for me in the mailbox! I received some lovely handmade clothes from Kayla Surber of Crochet Sisters. She makes hat sets specifically for babies with anencephaly and I couldn't be more delighted with the adorable set she made for Denali!

Seriously, is that not the cutest thing ever? Denali is going to be such a girly-girl! She even has little bows for her toes! And I got lucky because Kayla is not making anymore clothes right now due to her own bundle of joy being on the way! I'm so happy for her and I wish her a happy and healthy pregnancy!
  I called and talked with the NILMDTS photographer and, unfortunately, she will be out of town for Denali's birth. But she thinks she might be able to get someone else to do it. I was a little disappointed because she does fantastic work, but everything will work out even if we have to hire someone. We are still going to do a maternity session, though. She thought it would be best to wait until November because I may just look fat and not pregnant. I think I look fat and pregnant, and I don't expect it will get much better in the coming months, but she is the expert!
  Poor John, I ask him every time we go out if I just look fat or pregnant. Sometimes he pretends not to hear, and sometimes he just tells me I'm beautiful. And then today I was looking down at my bump (it's hard to miss from my vantage point) and I commented that I actually do have some stretch marks. He said that he knew I did and he was confused as to why I had said in my previous post that I didn't have any. I thought that he should have pointed them out to me, but then realized he probably made a wise decision not to say anything. They're not that bad, though. They're just silvery white lines and I could really care less because 1) I wasn't planning on exposing my midriff to the public any time soon and 2) They will be a physical reminder that Denali was here.

26 Weeks/Monthly Survey

What a nice weekend we had! We had a really wonderful time just relaxing with no set agenda. I feel a lot less stressed out than I did last Thursday.

  I just want to take a moment to say that John is amazing! He treats me like a princess and I'm starting to like it! I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone else. He's keeping me sane and I'm so thankful for him. I love him so much!

  Now I'm sick. I have a little cold, but the congestion is making it hard to move around much and I'm tired. Because I'm congested, I have to be extra careful about which way I'm lying. I've been bad and have found myself sleeping on my back and right side. It hasn't bothered me too much, but since I'm having trouble breathing I feel like I'm smothering unless I'm on my left side. 

  I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions. I felt this really weird pressure and I couldn't figure out what Denali was doing to cause it. After a few times I realized she wasn't moving, but her container was! Very strange feeling!

  Denali...is growing like a weed! I can feel her head on the right side of my abdomen and then she is kicking me all the way across on the left! I think she takes after her daddy and has really looong legs! I'm predicting she's going to be long and chunky. Anencephalic babies weigh less than  normal newborns because they are missing a large part of their body. So, I'm thinking she's going to weigh around six pounds and would have been an eight-pounder if she were normal. I was a short, fat baby and John, per his mom, was a long, skinny baby. Put us together and I think we will have a long, fat baby! Maybe I should start a betting pool, hee hee.  

  Yesterday John and I went to the church picnic and we ended up sitting across from a retired Air Force dietician and his wife. We chatted while I munched on two helpings of chips. I asked him about folic acid metabolism and explained why I wanted to know. He pointed me to a good nutrition resource for healthcare providers. I found some excellent diagrams that explains folic acid's role in nueral tube defects. I thought I would share them:

  I found the bottom chart to be the most helpful. I have a mutation in the methyltetrahydrofolate reductase gene which encodes an enzyme (MTHFR)  that converts 5,10-methyltetrahydrofolate to 5-methyltetrahydrofolate, one step below this diagram. That means that I don't create methionine which interrupts the whole cycle. So, it didn't matter how much folic acid I took. :(

  We have an OB appointment tomorrow. I actually got John up early today and we drove to the hospital only to discover that I was a day early for the appointment. Mommy brain ftw! At any rate, I have to do the glucose screening test tomorrow. Blech. I did the four-hour version of the test (the one you take if you flunk the screening test) a few years ago and it was rather horrible so I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I'll post an update tomorrow. 

How far along? 26 weeks
Maternity clothes? Obviously. Even my baggy old t-shirts are getting too small
Stretch marks? Not that I've noticed.
Sleep: It's been okay. A lot of night sweats and nightmares.
Best moment this week: It's only Monday, but we had a really nice, relaxing weekend
Miss Anything? My family

Movement: She's so big now that I can see her moving when she really gets going!
Food cravings: Coke and Cherry ICEE mixed together. Same as last month and the month before. Also craving apples and peanut butter.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not eating
Have you started to show yet: I'd say so
Gender prediction: Still a girl
Labor Signs: Nope. I think I'm having some Braxton Hicks, though
Belly Button in or out? In

Happy or Moody most of the time: Stable
Looking forward to: Our OB appointment tomorrow. Get to drink some Glucola! Maternity photo shoot!

25 Weeks

Post-workout. No judging!

I've been avoiding blogging this week. There's nothing really exciting to write about and we've just been coasting. I'm still feeling pretty good although I'm having more frequent heartburn. How is it that I can eat jalapeños with no problem, but a chocolate chip cookie turns my esophagus into a volcano? It makes no sense to me.
Today I'm introducing Denali to Sinatra, Ella and Gnarls Barkley. Yesterday was Tone Loc and Aerosmith. Her father was not amused by yesterday's selection! Basically I'm playing her whatever I'm in the mood to hear. I don't know how long she will have hearing (or if she can even hear at all) so I'm squeezing in a lot at once.
  I know I say this every week, but Denali is getting so big! I can see my belly move when she wiggles! And John can feel her move regularly! What feels like seismic activity to me feels like a tiny bump to

Fistulated cow at Virginia Tech

him, which I find funny. I feel like her feet are a foot long. John said she is Bigfoot! Maybe there's something about his ancestry he hasn't told me? Anyway, I wish I was like a fistulated cow and I could peek inside and see what she's up to!
   Lately my brain has turned to total mush! My short term memory is completely shot and I've become an emotional wreck.  I cry over the silliest things. Tonight, I lost a coupon at Kohl's and almost had a breakdown. John helped me search the store until we found it on the floor in the picture frames. And the other night I went grocery shopping by myself and had to leave the store because I lost my list and started crying! It's ridiculous! And to top it all off, my short term memory is completely shot!
  Other than that, we haven't really been doing anything. I've been mostly hanging out on the couch, watching tv. Never in my life have I ever watched tv! A month ago, I had no idea who Jimmy Fallon, Hoda or Kathie Lee were! Now, they're my bffs and I'm a line jumper for Million Second Quiz. SMH. I've become someone I don't recognize!
  I have noticed that lately when I go into a store, I feel guilty for even glancing at the baby stuff. For so long I've wanted to be part of the baby club and for such a brief time I was allowed in. Now I feel like
my membership has been revoked. I thought about just pretending and looking around because no one would question a pregnant woman looking at baby stuff! But, I can't. I feel like a Target employee is going to approach me and say, "I'm sorry ma'am, but you obviously failed at reproduction and have been kicked out of the club. Please leave the baby section". I also get excited when I get emails about baby sales (AAFES and Target are always having baby sales) and then I realize that I don't need any baby stuff. Sigh. It sucks.
  I'm also bummed that I won't get a baby shower. What would you do at a baby shower when the baby isn't expected to live? Cry? Sounds like a lot of fun. No thanks. I would probably have liked to have a party or something, but most of my friends are in the lower 48, anyway.
  Pity, party of one? Guess I should sign off before I start crying...

24 Weeks

  Yes, you are seeing that correctly. That's me (and Denali) sitting on Santa's lap. In September. No, Christmas retail did not start earlier this year than usual. We're actually in North Pole where it's Christmas all year!
  John has family living in North Pole, AK and we went to visit them for the long weekend. It was so good to get out of Anchorage and actually be around people! John's family is awesome and I really enjoyed hanging out with them and just relaxing! We had a great time and it was hard to leave! The ladies went out for pedicures and it was awesome! I had my first hot wax pedicure ever and I think I'm  addicted! John will definitely be treating me to a few of those in the coming months!
  We took a different way back home and the scenery was incredible! Sitting around in Anchorage it's easy to forget that 10 minutes away Alaska is out there and it's amazing!
  Coming back home I realized how quiet and boring my life has become! I'm used to being constantly busy and having at least one pet in the house to keep me company. After just 6 weeks of sitting around by myself my vocabulary has deteriorated quite noticeably! The four-year-old and I communicated just fine, but I found myself struggling to find words with any more substance than would be used to play Littlest Pet Shop. I know some of this is mommy brain and a lot of this is grief, but I'm afraid some of it is brain atrophy. I started doing the daily crossword in the paper and I ordered some board study books, so, hopefully that will help!
  I'm loving being pregnant! I'm probably going to jinx myself, but I'm coming up on the third trimester and I'm feeling pretty good! I'm having a bit of swelling, some mild heartburn and the occasional GI issue (which is probably more gallbladder than baby), but that's about it. I am wanting to sleep more than usual, but the therapist I have been seeing attributes that more to stress and grief. I love feeling Denali moving around! She cracks me up! She's getting so big and strong it's almost unbelievable! Her kicks are quite impressive! Oh, and I think she was responding to some of the noise this weekend! If there was a loud noise, she started moving around and kicking! She's supposed to be deaf, but apparently some babies with anencephaly have some hearing. She definitely responds to touch. If her space is invaded, she goes crazy!
  I'm also loving my pregnant metabolism. I feel like I can eat whatever I want and still be hungry and still not gain any weight! If I ate a tenth of what I'm eating now when I'm not pregnant, I would have gained 50 pounds by now. I'm normally very picky about my diet, and I probably should be even more picky now. However, everything tastes amazing and when I'm craving french fries, gosh darn it, I'm going to eat (two orders of) french fries! I think I'm doing okay. I'm not eating fast food or a lot of processed junk. And John is doing a great job making sure I eat plenty of protein.
  Well, that's all for today!