34/35 Weeks and Monthly Survey

34 Weeks

It's been two weeks since I updated! I have had some difficulty communicating lately. I've answered only really pressing emails and messages. I've been wrapped in my own thoughts and hashing some things out. If I've been neglecting you, don't take it personally!
  We had our care conference last Monday with the providers who will be taking care of Denali when she's born. I tried to write about it, but the words wouldn't come. Suffice it to say that I have every confidence in our providers and that I'm blown away by the amazing NICU and Mother Baby Unit here! We're going to be in great hands!
  Things have been going okay here. Last Sunday I thought I was in labor. We were in church and I started having regular contractions. We went out to do some shopping after the service and the contractions became more intense to the point that I had John take me home. We started timing the contractions and they were exactly seven minutes apart. They were quite uncomfortable, but not really painful. They remained seven minutes apart for an hour and then went to nine and ten minutes apart and eventually stopped. It scared me a bit because I'm not ready yet! Denali is still breech (of course, she's my daughter!) and Dr. O doesn't think I'm going to go into labor anytime in the near future. That is a bit reassuring.
  Denali has been doing her baby thing, whatever that is. Her movements are decidedly less vigorous and I think she is starting to feel squished! However, at our last OB appointment, she became very agitated when Dr. O tried to listen to her heart. My whole belly was shimmying and shaking and everyone was cracking up. I wished I had taped it!
   The big thing that is happening in our lives now is that we decided to adopt two guinea pigs. Okay, John was coerced. Whatever. We adopted them from a shelter near Fairbanks and we will pick them up when we go up there for Thanksgiving. I'm quite excited! I do get lonely here by myself and having some furries to take care of will give me something that I have to do. John is fairly apprehensive about the whole thing. He's never had a pet in his life, not even so much as a goldfish! On the other hand, I grew up surrounded by lots of animals and I miss their presence when I don't have a pet. My bearded dragon, Hemsworth, is living at my parent's farm because he can't come to Alaska. I have to laugh because, when I told John that we were going to be parents, he barely batted an eye. He didn't show any obvious anxiety at all. A baby! Great! This will be easy! But the guinea pigs...I thought he was going to pass out in Petco! He's been doing a lot of research and making sure we will be able to properly care for the piggies. I made him hold a guinea pig as a sort of impromptu pet parenting class and he had the cutest smile on his face. I think he's going to make a wonderful guinea pig dad and that he'll end up loving them more than me! Or he'll stir-fry them with some Ramen. Either way, he will love them!

 Monthly Survey

How far along? 35 Weeks
Maternity clothes? Of course
Stretch marks? Getting a few more. Nothing really terrible.
Sleep:  Finally gave in and got a prescription to help. My Restless Leg Syndrome has gotten dramatically worse and I had to do something about it.
Best moment this week: Christmas shopping with John and Denali and then supper at The Rock
Miss Anything? Above-freezing temperatures!

Movement: It's slowed down quite a lot, but she definitely gets a few diaphragm punches in!
Food cravings: Stuffing!!! John has made it for me almost every day!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing specific. I did throw up in Target last night for some unknown reason.
Have you started to show yet: Hahaha!
Gender prediction: Still a girl
Labor Signs: Yes, frequent contractions! We're practicing!
Belly Button in or out? In

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been a bit moody. Looking forward to: Thanksgiving with family, Black Friday, and getting our guinea pigs!

Denali at 33 Weeks

  We just got back from an ultrasound. Miss Denali decided she really didn't care for this whole birth thing and flipped herself upright again! Just last night I could see her little feet up by my ribs and I was pushing on them. Maybe she doesn't like her feet being tickled! I didn't feel her flip at all so it may have been while I was asleep. I was really out of it last night!
  Denali now weighs 4lbs, 11oz! She's in the 48th percentile. I'm very happy with that. At this rate, she may not fit into the preemie clothes that she has!
  The sonographer noted that there may be some abnormalities of her chest wall. Her ribs and sternum were thicker than they should have been. Not sure what to make of that. He also wasn't able to see any brain tissue at all anymore.
  We were able to get some very dramatic shots today. The sonographer was very careful about asking us how much we wanted to see. He was able to get a wonderful 3D image of her face. I was prepared to be shocked and horrified, but I wasn't and neither was John. Yep, she has anencephaly. She looks like all of the other beautiful anencephalic babies that I have seen. She kinda looks like a bald baby Cabbage Patch Kid or Gru from Despicable Me, without the nose.

    The awesome thing was that I immediately looked past the deformity and started looking at her sweet nose and chin and trying to pick out any resemblances. Now that she has some weight on her, I see more of myself than of John. She has my deep nasolabial folds and Jay Leno chin. Not so sure about her nose anymore. From the front it looks like John's, but from the side it looks like mine. I'm getting excited to see it in person!
  No, I'm not going to post the pictures. I was, but then I changed my mind. When we look at her, we see our sweet baby girl whom we have grown to love and accept for exactly who she is. But I don't trust other people to see her that way. Some pictures of anencephalic babies have been stolen and exploited and I'm not taking that chance with Denali.
  I had my second ever anxiety attack this morning. I'm not an anxious person and these attacks are completely foreign to me. They have definitely given me sympathy for people who experience them on a regular basis (No, I won't give you Xanax. Ain't happening!). The attack just hit me as I was loading the dishwasher and I was very quickly prostrate on the floor, struggling to breathe. It's such a scary feeling!!! I managed to calm down a little and call Mom who talked me through it. And then she completely diverted my attention by talking about politics until John got home and took over.

   Mom said that I've been trying to be too strong for too long. I don't know about that. I'm not trying to be strong, I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I've got and love Denali. Most days I'm completely overwhelmed and terrified by this whole situation and wish myself out of it. But like my grandma used to say, "Spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up the fastest". I miss her and her wit! Gandalf put it a bit more eloquently:

33 Weeks

He loves his Punkin!

   This week we celebrated Denali's Halloween! In my family, all four of us kids have dressed in the exact same pumpkin costume for our first Halloweens. Mom made the costume for me and recycled it for my brothers. Since Denali wouldn't exactly fit into the costume, I decided to dress my bump up as a pumpkin to continue the family tradition. Can you guess what John dressed as? I thought it was a very clever costume and we had so much fun dressing up!

                                                              
  John painted my face like a jack-o-lantern later in the day and paraded me around his workplace and introduced me as "The Great Pumpkin". His co-workers seemed a bit confused, but then I handed them pumpkin spice cupcakes and it was okay! I was slightly embarrassed. Denali and I sat outside and handed out candy to the cute trick-or-treaters. When John got home, he read Denali my favorite Halloween story. We had a great time!

  We received a lovely package from John's friend, Aimee. She included three adorable outfits, a blanket and treats! Such a sweet thing to do and we really appreciate knowing that people care about Denali! She's such a spoiled princess! :)

Ice Cream Cake!!!

  Saturday was my 31st birthday. Ahhhh! I'm getting old! John took me to my favorite restaurant, Red Robin. Denali likes it too, I think, because she was doing a jig until I started eating. Or perhaps I
just ate so much she was too squished to move! And then we came home for a Coldstone Creamery cake! By that time, Denali really was squished and I was also in misery. But it was worth it!

Lots of smoke!

  Another big event that happened this week was the publication of Denali's story in the Anchorage Daily News! I was really nervous about it because I felt like I was opening Denali up to scrutiny. When it comes to her, I'm definitely a mama grizzly! People have said some very unkind things about other babies with anencephaly and I was worried that might be the case. But, so far, everyone has

Photo by Erik Hill of the Anchorage Daily News

been really positive. And a lot of people commented on the article and emailed the journalist to talk about the babies they had lost. That was why I wanted to share our story in the first place. Ever since my miscarriage I have tried to raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. In my experience, most people want to talk about their babies (like any parent!) but don't know if it's okay or don't know how to start the conversation. If one person read our story and remembered their baby, then my mission was accomplished.



























  Newspaper Article