As you can see from the picture, I haven't been feeling the greatest this past week. I'm exhausted, short-of-breath and in some pain. I'm told this will pass in a few weeks, so, I'm just taking it easy for now. As my brother Samuel pointed out, all I have been doing lately is lying around and "incubating" Denali! That's okay- I'm glad for the time when she is my primary focus and I can just enjoy her break dancing inside me.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my wrists and hands had been bothering me. I assumed I had developed carpal tunnel syndrome which is common during pregnancy. I made an appointment with one of my preceptors, Dr. P, and his medical student fixed me right up using OMT! No more pain! Dr. P said I had De Quervain's tenosynovitis and not carpal tunnel syndrome. So much for "physician, heal thyself", right?
I made a dentist appointment as well as my teeth had been bothering me. Apparently I now have two fractured teeth and eight cavities. This has occurred since June when I had a molar extracted. It's very distressing to me as I am very particular about my oral hygiene and always have been. I brush my teeth three times a day and floss every night. But no matter what I do, my poor teeth just keep decaying! I asked the dentist if he thought it was pregnancy-related and he said I did not have the pattern of decay he normally sees in pregnancy. He couldn't help me, so, I made an appointment with another dentist. We'll see what he has to say, but I'm sure he won't touch me while I'm pregnant, either. By the time Denali is here, I will need dentures! The dentist I saw did give me a little lecture about how my tooth decay is hurting Denali. There's nothing I can really do about it, though.
No word yet on getting any financial assistance. John's parents went ahead and got their tickets. I feel bad about them having to do that. I don't know why, but I feel a need do this ourselves. I feel like bringing her family here is something we can do for Denali when there really isn't much else we can do for her. I suppose, them being here is what really counts and it doesn't matter how it happens. And it's something her grandparents can do for her. I am so glad our families are coming! Having the hope that she will arrive and depart surrounded by people who love her is all I have to hope for some days. Sweet girl, so many people love you, do you know that?
I was looking at some of Denali's pictures the other day and I noticed that she has apparently joined the Dark Side and become a Sith Lord!
Can you see it? It took John a while. It gave me a good laugh! John overheard me asking her why she had given into hate and joined the Dark Side and he very adamantly told me that she had not given into hate! I guess she is just dressing up for Halloween? The pictures actually show her yawning and her cute little nose and mouth! I think she has Daddy's nose and my lips. Adorable!
Speaking of Star Wars, my brother Derek and I have an extensive Star Wars collection that we started in the early 90's. Some of our collection is quite valuable now. Unfortunately, Derek and I have been estranged for almost two years. The other day Derek told our mom that he wanted to sell the collection and donate the money to Anencephaly research. Mom told me about it and I was really touched by his generosity and his caring about his niece. I hate to be cliche, but I'm glad that Denali has opened the communication lines with him. I don't know that our relationship can be mended, but it's a start. Mom told me that Derek is worried about his chances of having a baby with anencephaly because his wife's sister also had a daughter with anen. Derek's only two little nieces both have anencephaly. It's hard to imagine.
Some days, I still cannot comprehend how this has happened to us. It's like my ultimate worst nightmare has come true. A memory surfaced the other day while I was thinking about it. My dad started nursing school when I was in high school and I used to like to read his textbooks because I was obsessed with all things medical. I was reading his mother-baby textbook when I came across a section on how to handle it when a baby dies during or shortly after birth. I was horrified by the thought that babies die but also by some of the nursing aspects. The textbook said the nurse should offer to let the parents hold the dead baby and take pictures with it, etc. To my teenage mind, that was macabre beyond comprehension. And yet, here I am, planning on having a photographer who volunteers to take portraits of dead babies (such a blessing that there are people willing to do such a difficult, but important task) be at my daughter's birth. Unbelievable.
I feel like my mind has been cultivated all these years for just this time. I'm so thankful for it because so many of the women who have experienced anencephaly had no clue that it was even a possibility. The shock and horror that they have experienced is pitiful. My heart breaks for us all.
Good grief, I am depressing myself! Time to do something fun! Water aerobics was cancelled for tonight, so, Denali and I are going to go work on our Halloween costume! Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers!
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