Chain of Events

  I've been thinking about how I ended up in this place. It seems that everything in my life has been going wrong for several years now and it's been one bad thing after another. I was lamenting my misfortunes, but then it hit me that everything has kind of worked out to get me here:
  Was falsely accused of and charged with assault and battery by a woman who was jealous of me (and completely insane) -> I was found not guilty of the charges (because they were lies) -> The verdict was entered incorrectly and I was suspended from medical school last August because I was on parole -> It took me a month to get that mess cleared up and back into school -> I had to graduate a month late because I missed that month of rotations -> I couldn't start residency on time because I still had to finish up some rotations. That gave me a month to come back to Alaska for a little unexpected vacation ->  I paid for Mom and my brother to come visit AK last spring. Mom decided not to come -> Mom and Samuel came up with me for my unexpected vacation -> I was with John and Mom and Samuel when we received the diagnosis.
  I was really, really angry and embarrassed about the whole situation with me getting suspended from school and starting residency off-cycle. I was also really angry about Mom and Samuel not coming up here this spring. But, what if none of that had happened? I would have graduated on time and started residency. And, I would have gotten the diagnosis while I was all by myself. So, even though the situation has been bad, everything has worked out okay in the end so far.
  We had a regular OB appointment yesterday with Dr. O. My fundal height measured 21cm, whereas I was measuring at 25cm two weeks ago. I'm not swelling anymore and I'm less short of breath! Thank goodness for that! Dr. O had trouble locating Denali's heartbeat with the Doppler, but said she wasn't worried because she could hear her moving. I also was not worried because I could feel her kicking at the Doppler! She does not like having her space invaded! (But I poke her all the time and she doesn't seem to mind) Finally, I told Dr. O where I could feel her and she found her heartbeat. It was 147, so, holding steady and doing great! I used to think it sounded really crazy when parents of anencephalic babies would talk about how proud they were of their children, but now I totally get it. I'm SO proud of her!  She's got everything against her and her heart's still beating and she's still kicking! She's totally kick-butt!
   We did go ahead and make the decision to have an elective C-section as close to my due date as possible, which is December 22. I've never wanted to have a C-section and never in a million years imagined myself having one electively. But, it will give Denali her best chance to survive birth and be with us for a little while. It will also give our families a chance to get up here so they can meet her. So now we just have to pick a date.  I want to wait to have her until after Christmas, but that will be pushing our luck with her health. Also, the week between Christmas and New Year's is never a good time for anything. It's just that Christmas is incredibly important to me and it feels so important for Denali to be with us. It would be her first and only Christmas. But, it probably won't happen. John picked out Dec. 16 as the date he wants her to be born. He had a very beautiful, personal reason for picking that date and I agree.
  Deep down I'm just fighting picking a date because I don't want to give her up. I obviously can't stay pregnant forever, but I want to keep her as long as I can. I have to make peace with letting her go, something I don't know how to do yet.
  Mom told me yesterday about a little girl named Claire Parker that is undergoing chemo for leukemia. She's from my parents' town in Virginia and is being treated at Duke University. She's only 11 months old. Please keep the Parker family in your thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine what they're going through right now.